10 tips to blissful office existence!

Any modern day office has so much to learn from. No, I don’t mean it as a pun or sarcasm; it is in fact a reality. Many a ignoramus still prefer to spend lakhs for a management degree from some hotshot management school, others like me get paid to lean them...albeit sometimes the harder way. Yipes!



Unlike those glitzy Hollywood movies where hot babes in micro-skirts, fair skinned beautiful blondes and tanned blue-eyed handsome dudes smile at you in the office. Office for me is a sequence out of Bridget’s life (before the interval though). And just in case, you don’t get it, ahhhhh! It screams boredom and absolute lack of eye candy.



A typical day starts with logging on the computer, hooking onto g-talk and then sighing real hard as orkut and facebook are perenially blocked(though some modern studies prove that these social networking sites ease the pressure off you and make you more work-efficient!). It is then when i growl and start the real ordeal- the work! That is, typing, thinking, then again typing but not thinking and then repeating these steps again and again... only to be punctuated by a tea break (or lunch break whatever you choose to call it) which is thankfully spiced with the only entertainment of the day – gossip.


It is in these conducive working conditions that the 10 maha-management gyans dawn on you. But hey just before you start going through it, let me say in all my earnestness that it's not everyday that i dole out these pearls free of cost. But today, this brahm-gyan is being doled out free so that your faith in my limited intelligence is temporarily restored! ;-)


Rule no 1

The evergreen Parkinsons’ Law stating that ‘Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion’. yes, it does. Henceforth leave office as soon as shift gets over or else in these slowdown times be prepared for loads of extra work with no overtimes!


Rule no. 2

Murphy’s Law- Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. You want to end the day early And you have a solid reason too. Afterall, its not everyday that you go to movies. So diligently, you are working towards it the whole day. Not procastinating a single work and then suddenly one fine moment you are amply rewarded for the same. The boss needs to backpack early so you need to wait extra. Well you see, office loves shocks more than pleasant surprizes.


Rule no 3

Hanlon's razor - “Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity." That explains much of the office jamborie. Ah all those wise cracks, all those hours spent in needless mails which though spewing venom; always end with ‘warm regards!’ So much so that i've come to the conclusion that common sense is truly such a rare commodity. This is turn makes me feel that common sense should also be traded in commodity exchanges on the same lines as gold, silver and crude. Rest assured that this shall give the best returns, more so in slowdown times.


Rule no 4

Murphy's law corollary"If there's more than one way to do a job, and one of those ways will end in disaster, then someone will do it that way." In short, in every office there is no dearth of potential Montmorencies. So much so that I expect full empathy on this point from any decent office goer.


Rule no 5

Rothbard's law - everyone specializes in his own area of weakness. Yes! You got it right. Just that weakness is always given the cover of personal style, opinion, outright incompetance and yes... also i’m too busy, why don’t you do this attitude.


Rule no 6

Dilbert Principle - the most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management. Ah! I can hear the Ayes from you all. Why does the salary turn up less than expected, tax get deducted much earlier at one go...'The airconditioning will be turned off in ABC floor for 3 hours, kindly bear with us kind of messages.' And god forbid, the one hour long lunch sessions and meetings only to decide that on which date should the next meeting be slated!


Rule no 7

Hutber's law rightly states "Improvement means deterioration". Every incompetancy in any office, you see is logically explained by this pivotal law.


Rule no 8

Peter principle "In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence." Seems to fit for your boss, doesnt it?


Rule no 9

Wiltshire's Law of Explanation - To define is to limit". My motto for days i don't want to work! Though, must admit not really rare now ;) You see the moment you have to define, explain and attach meaning and logic to anything, this law is most apt for that moment. Smartness is better than hardwork and so the lesser defined, the better.


Rule no 10

Petronius Paradox: "Practice moderation in all things. Including moderation." In short, its ok to be angry, to be miffed because moderation in a modern office is the least of desired trait in the organizational step-up ladder. You might want to agree with me if you're more than 3 years old at office or might to disagree in the other case... In the latter case, my only expert comment will be wait and watch for time will be the greatest teacher.


So there you go, i've spilled the beans to 10 ways to instant nirvana... and a promotion soon enough!


In short, a happily ever after at the office terminal end. Amen to office at that!